we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
