do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
