My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
where am i from again
false alarm. still invincible.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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