party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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