The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
