SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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