My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
