Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
