why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
