No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
