I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
