are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
