She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
