do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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