It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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