I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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