Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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