So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
