our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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