after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
