I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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