fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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