You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
