I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
