WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
