I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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