Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
