was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
