My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
