'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
