Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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