There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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