My first STD was from a foam party
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
