I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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