I seem to have left my pride at pride
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
