this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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