Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
