I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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