Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I want is dick and wine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
