Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
