she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
