thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
