I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
