that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found puke in my bra..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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