I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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