he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
