He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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