How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
