update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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