so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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