Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
