so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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